The Confession Booth
by Illusional Facade
Summary: Albus has a new idea and decides to make a sugesstion board. Neville takes things into his own hands and makes a Confession Booth. R&R!HP SPOOF
1. The Suggestion Board

Summary: Sift through the lives of Hogwarts' slightly deranged students with resident Gryffindor dunderhead, Neville Longbottom.

Disclamer: Doesn't belong to me… It's JK's…blah..blah..blah..

-

Chapter One…..

Albus Dumbledore is a brilliant man, weird but brilliant all the same. It was almost like he sucked out intelligence from all the candy he ate. He always encouraged ideas from his students. In fact, there was even a Suggestion Board near the entrance to the Great Hall. The board, naturally, was a great success.

Hermione Granger had grouped against House Elf abuse. She, not being able to garner enough support, ended up as being the one and only supporter of said group. Ginny Weasley and Pansy Parkinson, on the other hand, garnered a lot more support and started a fan club – Hogwarts' Most Eligible Bachelors was one of the most popular guilds in Hogwarts. Hogwarts' handsome but malicious blokes were no other than Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini.

After Voldemort's defeat, Harry Potter started his own fan club. H.P.R.Y.W - Harry Potter Rocks Your World. Magazines with Potter's face splashed in the front page (scratch that, the whole book) were handed out to both students and teachers alike. The Creevey brothers were the lead photographers. Draco Malfoy, not surprisingly, started a business selling dangerous and poisonous potions. And hair products.

Seamus Finnagen decided to flaunt his slightly feminine side and acquired an adrogynous look with high heeled boots and fishnet stockings . If that wasn't enough, he even played the role of the flamingly gay hairdresser extremely well. Too well that even Dean wasn't so sure about his best mate anymore. Three empty classrooms were converted into a muggle unisex saloon. Malfoy being a constant at the saloon, pulled Snape in as well. To the relief of Hogwarts' population, Snape's greasy hair no longer reflected the dungeon walls.

Hufflepuffs decided to advertise everything yellow and went around selling yellow shirts, socks, fruits, and pets in their custom made yellow and black bumble bee suits. It turns out that the yellow socks didn't do particularly well (the only one who bought it was Filch) so they were handed out to the House Elves. Hermione was overjoyed when the House Elves were freed. Malfoy sulked even more.

The Ravenclaws made an analysis of Hogwarts and decided they liked the library system. Every door in Hogwarts was covered with numbers related to the Dewey Decimal System. They even made booklets and catalogs on numerology. Draco and Seamus decided to write a book too –Tips On How To Keep Your Hair On The Line. Their first order was by none other than Severus Snape. Tom Riddle made the last.

So really, it was a wonder how yet another leaflet managed to get itself on the board:-

**Time: 4.00 p.m. to 6.00 p.m every Sunday**

**(Tea break in between, sorry for the inconvenience.)**

**Venue: Outside Great Hall**

**Price: 1 sickle per confession/ 15 minutes**

**Terms & Conditions: Listener will remain hooded and unseen.**

**Confessions will not be spoken of outside the booth. Privacy guaranteed through magical agreement.**

** Open to everyone! First years and Death Eater juniors included.**

_**Don't be afraid, just pay.**_

-

A/N It'll make more sense as we go along… Under progress. Sorry bout the short chappie. It'll get longer, no worries.. Muaxx


	2. Harry's Confession

Summary: Sift through the lives of Hogwarts' slightly deranged students with resident Gryffindor dunderhead, Neville Longbottom.

Disclamer: Characters not mine. JK's, I'm just a nobody who abuses her characters.

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Chapter Two…

Harry Potter was bored, very bored. And he was desperately hurt, emotionally. His friends were ignoring him again. Even Ron wasn't there for him. His best friend was currently fawning over Pansy Parkinson.

The pug faced cow, of all people. Well, that wasn't exactly true. Pansy had growned to be quite a piece of work but Harry was in diva mode so even the idea of dear Pansy beating him in looks (even though they were under different categories) made him want to puke. Ron didn't spend that much time with him anymore. Lately, that was life at Hogwarts for Harry.

After Voldemort's demise, everyone had better things to do. Well, except Harry. Hermione went crazy over SPEW, sticking random coloured leaflets on Malfoy's hair. And Ron decided that pink frilly shirts looked good on him.

Seamus concentrated on wearing different coloured fishnet stockings everyday and Dean was trying to brew Verisaterum so that he could test it out on his best mate concerning his new liking for leather. Ravenclaws decided numbers were in and made a new version of the Ravenclaw school robes. It had numbers all over them that would magically glow in the dark.

Malfoy discovered that disecting animals and making potions were more fun than bullying Harry. Albus kept moping about how he could have saved Tom Riddle and that Dobby was his only friend, despite Harry's futile attempts to cajole the old man into giving Gryffindor some extra house points for Harry's bravery so that he could once again, be in the lime light.

Even sweet Ginny Weasely left him. For Zabini. They even started a fan club! _The nerve_ Harry fumed silently. If you looked at the big picture, Harry had been ignoring Ginny for years and had started a fan club of himself a year ago, so that obviously ruled out HPFC (Harry Potter Fan Club), the club Ginny had initially planned. Even the old fart, Snape, had better things to do than pick on Harry. So, here Harry was, sulking and all alone.

He was walking in a deserted hallway when he came across something no student would want to come across. Harry, being Harry, faced it with as much manliness he could muster. He squealed, loudly. In the middle of an abandoned Transfiguration classroom, sat Filch with Mrs Norris.

They were having a candlelit dinner and he was wearing the most awful yellow socks that stood out againts his grey clothes. Mrs. Norris, however, was wearing a grey bow and was nuzzling her master's ear. They were so busy doing whatever they were doing, they didn't even notice Harry standing rigidly ourside the door.

Harry made a wild dash to get a change of 'scenery', sqealing all the way until he tripped. He looked up only to face a great brick wall and as fate had planned, Harry's eye caught the sight of a new leaflet covering a Quidditch poster he had posed for only the day before.

Highly offended, he picked himself up and read the leaflet. _The Confession Booth…hmmmm… It's not like I have anything better to do, at least the 'listener' will listen to me… I am, after all, The Great Harry Potter…_

-

Neville sighed, it was ridiculous. The Confession Booth would never work. It just wasn't fair. Seamus and Malfoy were doing exceptionally well with their latest best seller - Your Hair Is Your Life. Neville, for the life of Merlin, could never guess why Draco's and Seamus's fixation on hair could be so intriguing. Everyone in Hogwarts had purchased a book each and since it was the in thing to do, Neville had one as well.

He sighed again and fingered his rat kebab. Malfoy had taken a great liking to disecting animals and decided to start a new project. There was a small stall that sold sandwiches and kebabs from all sorts of meat. Except rabbit of course. No one quite figured out why. The food was quite good actually, if you ignored what the food was made of. Neville took a bite and sighed for the third time as his teeth sunk into the tender meat of the rat.

The young man smiled as he pondered and thought of his slightly deranged classmates. Hermione with her SPEW, Harry being vain and diva, Ron liking pink, Seamus being gay, Dean in denial, Pansy and Ginny with their fan club, Blaise with his ponytail, and Malfoy obsessing about starting different businesses, often weird ones. But that was the beauty of it all, it was what kept the wizarding world going on.

He finally snapped out of his reverie when he heard someone sniffing. He was ready to leave the booth and help the person when suddenly, said person plopped himself down next to him in the adjoining booth. Neville quickly spelled his voice to disguise it.

"Here to confess?" he asked in his new gruff and deep voice. Sniff. "Yes, actually," came the muffled reply. Neville immediately recognized the voice. Harry, crying. This was bad, very bad. When Harry cried, it meant he expected the world to revolve around him. When Harry cried _that_ way, Diva Harry would make an appearence.

Harry the Hero he could bear, he did, after all, save lives. Sweet Harry meant getting presents and cakes. Supportive Harry was a great friend. Fun Harry was brilliant. Baby Harry just needed a cuddle and a hug. Daring Harry involved painting blonde hair blue and Malfoy's wrath. Nasty Harry snapped a lot. Evil Harry would calm down if you gave him a few spiders, his wand with a eerie green glow at the tip and an empty dungeon.

Diva Harry was a mix of sulky Harry, annoying Harry, attention-seeking Harry, cry baby Harry, Lick-My-Feet Harry, Superior Harry, snappy Harry and Limelight Harry.

Diva Harry was not pleasant.

"Erm… please, don't cry. What is it that's upsetting you so much?" He braced himself for a long description of Harry's pitiful life story. And was not dissapointed.

"Ever since I was a child, people took advantage of me and now that I killed Riddle's sorry and moldy bum, everyone forgets me," then there was a dramatic shudder and a deep intake of breath.

"How can they do this to me? They're mean, heartless and ungrateful beings, they don't care that I'm in pain and that I sacrificed so much. I had to give up my beauty sleep when I sneaked around school for clues. It was horrible, I had lines on my face the next day," another shudder and a more subdued whimper.

"Uh huh….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz," Harry kept on ranting and didn't seem to realize when the 'listener' nodded off.

-

Neville was in dreamland with pink fluffy clouds and lollipop trees when he was rudely awaken by a war cry. He sat up abruptly, and turned to face Harry who was still sobbing his life story out. "……And it was so terrifying, I didn't have time to brush my hair before facing…… ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Harry squealed.

A thud and a 'ooofff ' was all Harry could remember before his vision blackened.

-

A/N : Cliffhanger! Sorry if you guyz no likey Diva Harry but I thought since it IS his book series, I'd let him have the opening of the story. Read & Review and thanx a lot to those who reviewed for chappie one.

Methinks that you guyz might want to hang me for the late updates. My greatest aplogies, please don't kill me! Oh and I always read my delightful readers' reviews and I'm hungry for more. Muaxxiez – Aly.


	3. Banana Crunch

Summary: Sift through the lives of Hogwarts' slightly deranged students with resident Gryffindor dunderhead, Neville Longbottom.

Disclamer: JK Rowling's. Nothing belongs to me. Except for the boring story line and my dirty yellow socks.

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Chapter Three…

"Harry Potter, I love you!" Neville was still groggy from his sleep but the unmistakable sound of lips smacking againts another pair of lips assaulted his ears nonetheless.

By now, Harry had regained full conciousness and was startled to find he couldn't move, mainly because of the extra weight in his lap. Neville was still too far off in dreamland and was desperately trying to concentrate on his blurry sorroundings.

When the stars dissapeared and his vision cleared, he finally understood where the war cry had come from. There was a fourth-year Hufflepuff seated snugly in Harry's lap and it didn't look like she was about to get off.

Neville almost screamed. She looked hideous with all that war paint on her face. What Neville didn't know, of course, was the fact that it was 'make up' and that there hadn't been a war cry, it was a squeal. Much like Harry's, except, a deeper tone. When he did realize this, he also realized Harry was grinning like the love-sick fool he was.

Neville smiled, it was obvious his job was done for today.

A giggle. "I know this is sudden but I really really really love you and I was going to confess here in this confession booth. But then, I saw you and it was truly a golden opportunity. Harry, I can't live without you. If you leave me, it'll be like denying air to my lungs and if I don't confess, it'd be like a bird trapped in a cage begging to be free and if you like another person, I'll kill her and if you stop seeing me after today, I'll kill _you_ and if you don't like me, I'll make you and if you don't kiss me now, it'd be denying your heart's true love," Mryan Roswell smiled sweetly and tilted her chin up to receive her true love's kiss.

Harry shrugged and kissed her. Then, he lifted her up. He turned around. "Thank you, I bless your booth and that's a big thing because I am, after all, The-Boy-Who-Lived. Here's 30 galleons and a blessing from me." Harry smiled and turned to Mryan.

She smiled back and turned to the 'listener'. "Here's an extra 30 galleons and a blessing from me and that's a big thing because I'm Harry Potter's future wife. Toodles!" And with that, Harry carried her and headed out of the booth and they dissapeard to Merlin knows where.

Neville grinned and collected the money, slipping them into a pouch. He minimized the stand with his wand (a nifty spell from Hermione) and stuffed it in his pocket and with a quick look around, removed his hooded cloak.

He could say that he was truly happy for Harry but that would be dishonest and Neville was anything but dishonest. However he could and did say he was happy for the sixty galleons clinking merrily in his pocket. He'd tell gran, she'd be so proud. With that thought, he walked back to the Gryffindor dorm.

-

Dean Thomas stirred the contents in his cauldron. Was it suppose to turn purple and finally to electric blue? What's with the smoke? Gosh, the potion really smelt bad but then again, all potions smelled bad. Right?

He'd just visit the saloon and ask Malfoy. Or.. 'cringe'.. Snape. It didn't matter if Snape's hair was washed, the man still barked like a dog. It was no wonder Draco was so pale, he had _Snape_ to look at and confide in as a father figure.

The rivalry between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins had cooled down after the war. In fact, Dean considered Draco and Blaise as best friends. And Hogwarts was like family, a disfunctional family but still a good family. Albus Dumbledore was their 'sugar daddy', literally.

The old man wasn't bad actually, even though Draco being the narcistic blonde he was, had instilled the fear of Dumbledore being a perverted pedophile into Hogwart's population. How else did the old man keep track about everything happening in Hogwarts from the top of the astronomy tower and to dungeon level? Heck, he knew about Draco crying in the bathroom with Moaning Myrtle on tail. That _said _something, right?

Not that Dean would know, he wasn't exactly a keen observer and he really didn't want to know what Dumbledore did in his free time. Blaise had warned them of Draco's odd behaviour and disturbing ideas.

The dark haired boy was rather quiet but Dean adored his two new best friends. Blaise was really sweet and was the perfect pure-blooded gentleman. Not that Draco wasn't but he was more on the strange side. Both Slytherins were ingenious and it was so much fun to learn about Draco's pranks and Blaise's childhood fantasies.

Dean was generally a very blur and open-minded guy. He was simple, that was all there was to it. He was the Quidditch narrator, he was jovial and fun. Really, he wasn't complicated at all. So when something 'complicated' or something out of the ordinary happens, Dean is most likely left behind.

When Seamus abandoned the usual black school stockings for fishnet stockings and when he prefered high-heeled boots to his normal black leather shoes, Dean was once again, left behind. It didn't help that Seamus took off his school robes whenever he could in favour of leather pants and a sleeveless shirt.

Dean Thomas was a Gryffindor and it didn't matter if he had Slytherins for friends who couldn't be bothered to concoct a potion just to quench their thirst for curiosity. For Gryffindors, it was take action and ask questions later. Slytherins, generally, didn't bother doing _anything_. Unless it was beneficial. Like studying, sucking up to teachers and in Draco's case, making kebabs.

The Gryffindor strolled down the hallways of Hogwarts and made a stop in front of the striking glittering pink coloured sign, S.S. in fansy cursive wording – Seamus's Saloon. He walked in and Draco's apple scented hair products assaulted his nostrils. Seamus was busy attending to Hagrid's thick hair and greeted Dean with a casual wave and a smile.

Draco was sitting on a sofa with Blaise, looking at a fashion magazine. Seamus walked towards the sofa and sat next to Draco. Blaise was too absorbed in his Advanced Arithmancy book to notice him. Dean didn't pay him any mind, Blaise was having that pesive expression on his face, it would do no good to disturb his concentration.

Instead, he turned to the blonde who was smiling at him expectantly. Well, he tried at least. It was a cross between a sneer and a cringe. Dean took a deep breath and prayed that he could trust Draco on this one.

"Here's the potion I'm just not sure what colour it's suppose to be More or less." He said in one breath, not pausing for the full stops. He waited for the blonde to taunt him about the lack of his ability to make potions and was surprised to see Draco's eyes light up in astonishment.

Dean studied him carefully, it was hard to tell if it was genuine astonishment or just plain sarcasm. Finally concluding that he could not tell, he laid his trust fully in the blonde. Not without a few prayers to Merlin.

Draco was slack-jawed. He stared at Dean, unblinkingly. How did he _do _it? Merlin's beard, he had _never _seen a Verisaterum potion _electric blue. _Even Neville's concoction was a pale blue (which was a better colour). He was beyond shocked. And then, he smirked to himself.

He knew _exactly _what this potion was and what it could do.

"Dean, you're _amazing. _I really didn't have much faith in you when you told me about your little 'experiment'. Now, now… You must tell me what you're planning to do with _this_ piece of work." Dean could almost see the slanted writing in Draco's words. He gulped. And smacked himself inwardly, he really should trust Draco more. What kind of friend would he be if he didn't?

"I was actually planning to use it on Seamus. You know, just to test it," Dean explained. Draco smirked. "You were, now weren't you? Now, my dear Gryffindor friend, just _how_ are you going to administer that potion of yours to our unsuspecting friend?" Another deep breath and a gulp of air. "I…I… haven't really thought of it yet. What do you propose?" Draco's smirk was getting annoying.

"Leave it to me, my dear friend. After all, a friend in need is a friend indeed." The blonde squeased Dean's hand reassuringly and turned back to his magazine, shoving the front page to the Gryffidor's face. He wasn't surprised to see a long article promoting Draco and Seamus's two best sellers and a picture of the two wizards posing.

The rest of the day was spent in the saloon with a packet of Exploding Snap with his best friends, Seamus, Blaise and Draco.

-

Draco tied his hair back with a black silk ribbon that Sunday morning and walked at a leisurely pace. It was a long time since he played a prank. Smelling the sweet air that only pranksters could smell, he headed towards the Great Hall for breakfast. He was looking forward to it the _whole_ night and was famished, for an entirely different reason.

_The Amazing Bouncing Ferret is back. And he wants to play. _Thought Draco. He snickered. Blaise jabbed him in the ribs and glared at him warningly. Ginny was sitting with them at the Slytherin table. Draco was supposed to behave.

He pouted. Ginny giggled.

Thank Merlin for sweet little women like Ginny. Despite popular belief, Draco was immensely fond of the little Weaselette. She was definitely nicer than her giant brother. Besides, she just saved him from an annoyingly long lecture about best friends, best friends' girlfriends and pure-blooded wizards' etiquettes.

He turned to his right and smiled at Seamus. Then, he winked at Dean. Dean nodded in understanding and involved his best friend in a long conversation of the latest Quidditch match. Draco set to work. He poured one-third of the strange looking potion in Seamus's pumpkin juice discreetly and signalled to Dean.

Draco turned to his lunch nonchalantly, whistled a tune and poured a disgusting ammount of maple syrup on his pancakes. Then, he feasted his eyes on the scene before him. Loving every minute.

Seamus reached out for his glass of pumpkin juice. He gulped the contents down. _Ahh.. pumpkin juice…it taste a bit funny though. _That was the last of his deductive powers before he slumped forward into his bowl of banana crunch cereal. A few seconds later, he sat up. The brunette grabbed a napkin and started cleaning his milk covered face. Then, he started eating again.

Dean's slightly worried voice flitted across his ears. "Erm.. what is your name?" Seamus stared incredulously at his best mate. "You're pulling my leg, aren't you? I'm Seamus, your best friend. Mate, you okay?" He waved a hand in front of Dean's distant eyes.

He turned to Draco who was wearing a plastic expression. The Slytherin's left eyebrow was twitching and the grey eyes were staring at him pointedly. He took a quick glance around the Great Hall and noticed that _everyone_ was staring at him intently, mouths agape and eyes as wide as saucers.

Draco's eyes were staring at his… _chest._ Then, he heard the sound of loud laughter. From his left. The blonde was shaking with laughter and he doubled, sprawled on the floor.

Seamus joined Draco in his laugh and smacked him lightly on the side of his head. The blonde stopped laughing immediately. Seamus didn't. He was laughing so hard, he had tears running down his cheeks.

He didn't even notice Dean exiting the hall with a guilty expression on his face.

-

A/N Don't worry, readers. Seamus likes laughing and Dean, well, we're just gonna haf ta find out in the next chapter…. Hope you guyz liked this chappie. It's significantly longer.

Read and Review! It's what keeps me going on, don't abandon the Confession Booth! We need all the galleons and sickles we can get so reviews are very much appreciated. I'm soooo sorry bout the updates… This chappie was written some time ago but… well.. su was away so I couldn't post it up... Don't worry though, the Confession Booth is back with a vengeance!

And no offence meant, Snape. I mean, I love his character and all but unfortunately, I'm mean so I just _have_ to pick on sum1! And Snape's great. Greasy hair, black robes and a weird nose, what more could you ask for?

Chocolate covered laughing Seamus and sniggering Draco to everyone! Cheerio!


	4. The Fellowship of the Gay

Summary: Sift through the lives of Hogwarts' slightly deranged students with resident Gryffindor dunderhead, Neville Longbottom.

Disclamer: Not mine, JK's. I derive only amusement from writing this. No money is being made. Btw, has anyone watched King Kong?

-

Chapter Four…

Dean was close to tears. He didn't mean to do anything to mortally wound his best friend's reputation. Seamus must have been really mad at him. He had a right to be, Dean had just caused him pure embarassment. He would've blamed it on Draco but the blonde looked so 'innocent', eating his pancakes. He supposed Draco hadn't meant for it to happen.

He exited the hall and before the large doors coould close with a resounding 'thud' behind him, he heard loud, howling laughter. He walked by the lake. Dean heard the lake water rippling, probably caused by the Giant Squid's tentacles tentatively lapping the water.

The black haired boy sat on the dewy grass and breathed in fresh air. He felt guilt eating away at his insides. Seamus would never forgive him. He sighed, he didn't deserve forgiveness. He made his best mate the laughing stock of Hogwarts.

Seamus had a _chest_. Big ones too.

The young Gryffindor sighed again. _Everyone_ knew Seamus had a reputation for making girls swoon at his feet. He didn't want to lose his best friend, without Seamus, he was nothing. He heard footsteps behind him and decided to face Seamus like a real Gryffindor.

Blaise strode casually towards Dean. He gave the Gryffindor a sweet smile. "Relax, Dean. What's troubling you? You look upset," Blaise said.

"I feel so bad for Seamus. Oh, Merlin. He probably hates me..." Dean confessed. He was having trouble breathing now.

"Well, actually, he was never happier. Besides, the potion wasn't your fault. We all know how hopeless you are. Didn't you ask anyone to check the potion for you?" He added the later part with slight hesitation.

Blaise frowned, comtemplating what could've gone wrong. _Draco_. The answer was obvious, that was why the blonde was sniggering to himself during breakfast.

His poor demented friend had finally sought out some form of entertainment. "You asked Draco to check your potion, didn't you?" Blaise demanded.

Dean nodded.

"My lovely and most dearest friend, Dean, you _do _realize that Draco's word _cannot _and_ should not _be trusted, right?" Blaise asked the question as if there was an obvious answer which in this case, was a yes.

Blaise was amazed. Never, in his seven years of Hogwarts did he _ever _meet anyone who trusted Draco so… simply.

-

Draco picked himself up.

Seamus picked himself up.

Draco stared.

Seamus laughed.

-

Neville was in quite a good mood today. Breakfast was interesting, Snape didn't bark at him and Albus didn't pace around, muttering about a resurrection of Tom Riddle. Neville vaguely wondered if being one of the greatest wizards of all time was not good enough for his standard. Perhaps the headmaster wanted to be a necromancer.

The real highlight of today though, was that it was Confession Day. He decided he did like confessions after all. Even if it meant listening to an awfully long and boring story about cupboards. In the end, it paid off.

But for now, he would enjoy the sun by the lake and write a letter to his Gran.

_Dear Gran,_

_Nothing much has been happening. And NEWTs is still a long way to go. I hope you're doing okay at home. I really miss you._

_The Confession Booth is doing quite well for its first confession , I suppose. I made sixty galleons, I hope it'll help. I'll send it by post tomorrow. Maybe one day, we'll be able to afford a new home. After graduating from Hogwarts, I'll work and get you a better home, Gran. That's a promise._

_I'm actually doing better in potions, since Malfoy helps me when he thinks no one else is looking._

_Snape actually washed his hair and I suppose I can concentrate much better now that I don't see cauldrons reflecting the light from his hair. _

_I think I might be improving in Arithmancy as well, Blaise is awfully good at it._

_We're going to Hogsmeade next Saturday. I can't wait to see Fred and George's new stock and Honeydukes new asortment of candy. I know how much you love peppermint._

_I don't have a lot of free time on my hands now. Everyone's busy preparing for the exams and I heard that Snape's foul mood hasn't changed towards the Gryffindors despite his favourite student befriending them and all. I'd better be off now, Sunday break is calling._

_I'll write to you soon, take care._

_Love you lots, Gran._

_Yours faithfully. _

_Neville Longbottom._

Neville rolled up the parchment and tied it with a red ribbon. Then, he headed towards the owelery, tied it to the clever creature securely and watched as it flew away.

He headed back to the lake. No one should miss Sunday mornings, he mused. The birds were singing and it was a lovely, bright and sunny day. He seated himself next to Blaise who was trying to sooth a hallucinating Dean. Blaise flashed Neville a small smile and turned to the rapidly breathing Gryffindor.

"I didn't mean to.. oh Merlin. No, no, no, no, no… Seamus is okay... He'll forgive me, yes he will. And we'll still be friends.. No! He'll hate me forever…" Dean wailed.

"Dean! He would never _hate_ you and you didn't do anything wrong, everyone knows he's a…" Blaise was cut short from a rather loud outburst.

"...WOMANIZER! Everyone knows that! I know that! But I gave him the potion! Argh… I'm such a horrible, terrible, stupid, idiotic friend," said Dean.

Neville shook his head. "Dean's been known to undergo hysterics... he's not used to entanglements like what's happening right now. He feels he's betrayed his best friend beyond redemption." Neville explained.

"What are we to do?" asked Blaise. "I can't tell him that Seamus is.. well.. you know.. That'd be wrong... and it's.. well.. not polite," Blaise said defensively, crossing his arms.

Blaise was all about wizarding etiquettes and it seemed mentioning that someone was gay happened to be an awful offence.

Then, a lightbulb appeared in Neville's head.

"Why don't you check the suggestion board? There must be something that can help him. You know what? We're in luck. I checked it out a while ago and there was something to do with some sort of confession board of some sort. Wait, it's the Confession Booth. That's it. Harry and Mryan tried it out, didn't they?" Neville asked.

The couple sitting nearby gave a thumbs up and dissapeared behind a willow tree to do merlin knows what.

" I don't quite remember where it is exactly but you can check it out. Since he's not comunicating with you… you might as well try the Confession Booth. Someone'll be listening to his confessions and I'm sure he'd feel much better after that." Neville suggested.

Blaise smiled, white teeth showing. "You're brilliant. I'll go check it right now. Thanks a lot." With that, the Slytherin boy pulled the other black haired boy to his feet and rushed towards the direction of the suggestion board.

-

Neville arrived right before Blaise did, panting. He wasn't a fast runner, not as fast as Blaise anyway. He disguised his voice and asked calmly, "Would you like to make a confession?"

Blaise nodded. "It's my friend, actually," he hoisted the other boy on top of the chair and stood next to the booth, waiting. Dean was still muttering.

"Dean, you're going to confess now, okay? Then, you'll be rid of your troubles." Blaise explained slowly.

Dean finally snapped out of it and turned to Neville. "I feel so horrible. I made verisaterum and I tried it out on Seamus to ask him about his new fixation. You know, about the hair, the stockings and all. I was naturally curious, Seamus didn't mention anything about it, at all. And I just wanted to know and then.. then… there was that potion accident.. and now, he has a chest! He'll hate me… I'm so stupid, I should have just asked him but I didn't want to upset him and... and... and…" He trailed off, sobbing.

Neville put a hand on his back, trying to sooth the boy.

"It's not your fault, not all potions are flawless. Besides, you were just concerned about the affairs of your friend. You have to understand though, there's nothing wrong with Seamus." Neville said patiently.

"Really?" Sniffed Dean.

"Really," Neville said.

"What is with the new attire and all?" asked Dean.

Forsaking all the wizarding ettiquettes for his fellow Gryffindor, Neville bravely said, "Well, that's because…well… err.. he's a.."

"Homosexual." Blaise finished for him. The Slytherin looked pretty guilty but soon decided that all wizarding etiquettes be damned if it meant saving his dear friend from hyperventilating.

He waited until the imformation sunked into the other boy's brain. Three.. two.. one..

"I get it! Owh… merlin…Oh! I get it now! Thank you so much!" He smiled brightly and turned to Blaise, embracing him.

"Thanks, Blaise. For helping me through this. I've got to find Seamus now." With a determined look, he set off to find the brunette.

-

Seamus loved the look on Draco's face. He just didn't understand.

Seamus Finnagan is a very cool guy. Seamus Finnagan didn't mind being laughed at. Seamus Finnagan _loved_ practical jokes.

So, he really didn't mind his chest.

He thought it was brilliant.

-

Dean took a deep breath and pushed the doors to the Great Hall open. Seamus was sitting with Draco. Seamus was still laughing. Draco was just staring at the other boy, eyes wide. When he spotted Dean, he beckoned him over, waving his hands frantically.

He stood in front of Seamus, ringing his fingers together. Draco was smirking at Dean, Seamus was just looking at him. It was thoroughly unnerving.

Then, Seamus laughed. "Breathe in, breathe out. Yes, you can do it. In and out, Seam. You might die from too much giggling," Draco scolded.

Dean smiled, "Seam, I'm really sorry about everything but now that the 'listener' told me that you're gay, I'm okay. I'm really sorry. I bet you're having a horrid time.." he cringed.

Seamus snickered. "On the contrary, I'm doing great actually. I was betting with Draco here that if he drinks the potion and grows a woman's chest, it wouldn't be nearly as big as mine."

Draco made a face. Dean and Seamus grinned.

"I'd love to find out.." said Dean. "In due time, mate. In due time," said Seamus.

And they did. The very next day.

-

Hope you liked this chappie. Read and Review, you know you want to!

Muahahahahaha! Lucky thing Draco used only one third of the potion. (wiggles eyebrows suggestively)

Owh… and these are the few answers to my bright and inquisitive reviewers' questions :-

You're right, old Dumby (sorry, I like that nick name..) would most probably buy the socks but hey… what about Tom Riddle? The old man is feeling out of sorts and is trying to overcome guilt so he ain't exactly into soxiez…Besides, Dobby must've given him plenty.

Neville is one forgetful dolt but we love him that way. I doubt he'll be able to forget all those galleons though… Who would?

To my lovely reviewers, thank you so much! Huggiez!- Aly


	5. To Be Greasy or Not to be Greasy?

Summary: Sift through the lives of Hogwarts' slightly deranged students with resident Gryffindor dunderhead, Neville Longbottom.

Disclamer: Not mine. JK's world and all. My severe brain tumor though.

-

Chapter Five..

Neville truly hated Potions. It was one of those days, the third day of the week. Potions was the first subject and Neville wasn't particularly gleeful. Another day of staring at crushed beetles and lizard's eye was not what he would consider fun. Snape had a positively devilish smirk today. He strode in and didn't duck points from a very mussed up looking Harry with lipstick on his face. He did not utter a word, he didn't even bark, he just _smiled_. At the rate he was going, Neville very much doubted he would survive today's class.

"Well, class. I must say, today is a beautiful day." The seventh year students shuddered. Severus just laughed.

"Wouldn't you agree, Miss Granger?" He asked conversationally, sitting on her desk.

Hermione's eyes were as wide as saucers and her eyes were glazed from staring unblinkingly. Snape snapped his fingers and Hermione sat up straight abruptly. "Yes.. I… I… guess so.. sir," the brown haired girl stuttered.

The professor grinned, showing _white_ teeth. Come to think of it, the professor looked stunningly handsome today. Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil were drooling, eyes as glazed as Hermione's were. Neville himself was forced to admit albeit not loudly and only if forced with verisaterum (even he had his boundaries) that the greasy professor didn't look like the old Snape who looked very much like a … well… old fart.

The clean, silky straight hair was one thing but new robes, a brilliant smile and a clean face could very well bring Snape to the top of Witch Weekly's top ten list of The Hottest Forty Year Old Men.

Even Harry had somewhat forgotten his dear Mryan and was currently wondering about his sexuality and convinced himself the attraction was only a temporary case of brain tumor. Seamus whistled and Draco snorted, looking smug. Dean was confused, Blaise just rolled his eyes. Vince and Greg stared, not quite believing their eyes. Pansy noticeably ajusted her skirt and Hermione flipped her bushy mass of hair, batting her eyelashes. It was truly a disturbing sight.

The dungeon was suddenly becoming very hot indeed.

"Today, my lovely class… we'll be enjoying the sun outside! Out, everyone! Out!" Snape grinned and ushered the flabbergasted students out.

Once everyone was properly seated on Hogwarts grounds, he conjured a hovering blackboard and started listing potion ingredients. After giving assignments i.e. a ten foot essay, Snape plopped himself down on the grass and conjured a blanket. Then, he promptly lay down on it, smiling. A few of the first years who caught sight of this ran for their lives, afraid the 'nasty potions monster' would give them detention for skipping class. They didn't run fast enough though for they were pulled back with a spell.

"And where do you three think you're going? Hmmm?" Snape asked, baring his teeth menancingly and the seventh year students almost sighed in relief. The three first years held their breath.

"Sorry… sir.." The three of them muttered in usion.

"Would you care for some candy?" Snape asked the Hufflepuff girl with pigtails. She shook her head wildly before muttering a polite 'no thank you'. Snape looked offended.

"But you must, child. It's delicious, I can assure you that and if you do, Draco will take turns going out with the three of you. Won't he?" Snape narrowed his black beady eyes at Draco who backed away.

"But sir, please.. no.. I… I can't!" His pale cheeks were tinted light pink. "I'm seeing someone, sir." Draco was an excellent actor. Severus smirked and raised his eyebrow.

"And who would that be, Mr. Malfoy?" His tone booked no argument. The blonde's mind was racing. Anyone would do, just as long as he didn't have to go out with that stupid pudgy girl.

He grabbed the nearest person and prayed that it was somebody single. Harry Potter! _You've got to be kidding me! Don't bat your bloody eyelashes! _Draco pushed Harry aside and grabbed the person behind the green eyed boy. Hermione Granger. Draco tried not to cringe. _Argh... Not her! Permanent hair damage.. Eurgh.._

Draco grabbed yet another Gryffindor and lo and behold, it was Seamus Finnagen.

The blonde almost cried out in relief. He pecked Seamus on the cheek and grinned. _Hah! Snape's in for it! The Amazing Bouncing Ferret shoots and he scores! _Seamus taught him that muggle term and he was particularly proud that he knew so much. Even if it was about muggle things.

"I'm going out with Seamus, sir. We've been seeing each other for months now. You couldn't possibly disrupt our happy relationship. Please, sir. We've worked so hard to settle our differences and he really is amazingly intelligent and fun and handsome. Why, I'd say I'm the happiest man alive! I really really like Seamus, sir. I must say, I can't think of anyone better! He's so charming and incredibly _wicked_." He was cut off when Snape waved a hand, looking green.

Draco smirked and pulled the bewildered Gryffindor closer to him. He muttered a quick thank you in his ear and watched as Snape turned green, then purple and back to the pale paper white colour he always was.

"Detention for the three of you for almost making me lose my breakfast! You'll make sure that every dirty thing in Hogwarts will get an extra shine! You'll be serving detention for a week! With Filch," Snape barked the last bit as an afterthought whilst Harry inwardly shuddered.

"Get me a cup of hot cocoa on the way to the kitchens," said Snape, baring his gleaming teeth.

"But we didn't…"

"Draco was the one…"

"You're mean and…"

"Keep silent, you insolent children! Off you go! NOW! I don't want to see or hear from you ever again!" Snape half barked.

"Haha! That's it! Leave, stupids! Muahahhahahaha… bow to my whims! Go away, you brats! Don't forget to get me my drink though..." Snape smirked to himself, he handled that _very_ well.

"Class dismissed. Oh, and Mr. Finnagen, if you hurt Draco, you can very well say goodbye to your beloved collection of fishnet stockings. I know where you sleep…." Snape's evil and dramatic laugh could put the Dark Lord to shame. His scary beedy black eyes glittered with somehing akin to humour. Dark humour, that is. Draco shuddered, giving Seamus a pitying look. Seamus just grabbed Draco's arm and hauled him out of Snape's range.

The seventh year students filtered out, glad to get away from the new 'I-Am-Demented-And-Insane-And-I-Enjoy-Making-You-Whimper-When-I-Smile Snape. Neville knew though, that by the end of the day, rumour about Draco and Seamus's relationship would spread like wildfire.

He could practically hear a million hearts of Hogwarts population of both girls and boys breaking at the news of the newest confession yet.

Neville smiled. At least he didn't have to brew a potion and he overheard Hermione telling Ron that there was strawberry pudding up for grabs in The Great Hall for tea today. That was something to look forward to. Forgetting Snape and his queer behaviour, he raced his way out, heading for Herbology.

-

The empty Divinations classroom was occupied by nothing else but a few dusty desks and the dusty floor. Today, a young witch occupied the room and she was holding a jelly like substance that would hold its purpose for later use.

-

Neville was in the library, trying his very best to study. He couldn't concentrate, there was a group of fifth year Ravenclaws discussing numerology in what they presumed was quiet. Madam Pince was having a manicure and even a blind person could tell Harry and Mryan were having one of their snog sessions. The library happened to be a favorite rendezvous for the young couple who thought they were being as quiet and discreet as the Ravenclaws were which in truth, wasn't very quiet at all.

The young man sighed and exited the library.

He was walking when a slender figure ran into him. He tried catching her before she could fall but ended up tumbling anyway with her on top of him in a heap on the floor, laughing. It was Luna Lovegood. Neville could never see why people thought she was weird, she was a lovely girl with a creative mind and an interest in Herbology. Hence, the radish jewellery.

Neville and Luna were quite close. They were study partners since his sixth year and had developed a steady friedship since then. The two were fond of each other but the thought of being more than friends never crossed their minds. Not to Neville, at least.

She helped him up to his feet and proposed a study date in the library after the Charms class he had the day after. Neville agreed and bid her farewell. He walked to his dorm, thinking about different coloured bunnies until he replayed the scene with Luna over in his head and realized he forgot when the study date was due.

He decided to owl her after some rest to recover from his ever gnawing fatigue. He dozed off into a faraway dream.

_Hogwarts grounds were deserted at that time of the day. It was midnight and for some unknown reason, Neville was having a quiet walk by the lake, hearing slight snores from the trees. _

_He then headed towards the dungeons and walked passed Slytherins' dorm, pausing in front of the potions master's room. Somehow, his dream permitted him to see what was going on in the room without opening the door. He stared in mortified horror at Snape, in a tub. There were bubbles everywhere and he thanked Merlin for the foam covering his Professor._

_The older man was singing 'I Will Survive' but with altered lyrics, something about surviving a potions class of some sort. Nevile wouldn't know, the first and only time he heard of that song was when Harry was singing in the shower and everyone had to exit the dorm for fear of losing their ears._

_Neville had approached Harry after that and inquired politely if it was a muggle song._

_He decided he didn't quite like the song that much after all._

_Feeling sick, Dream Neville floated out and walked pass a few abandoned classrooms. There was one room with a silhouette figure of a women in a darkened coner of the room, cackling over something. Neville didn't venture through the other class but heard purring sounds regardless of his brain screaming at him not to approach that particualar class. Wisely, Neville followed his instincts.._

_Suddenly, he was transferred to the Confession Booth and for some reason, there was a nervous fluttering feel in the pit of his stomach. He donned his cloak and and spelled his voice as customary. He then turned to the person confessing._

_At first sight, his heart leaped._

_It was Luna, her pretty face screwed up in a weak smile. She confessed her undying love for one Neville Longbottom and he could feel his heart beat faster at the thought. He was about to reveal himself when there was a sudden change._

_Luna screamed and in her place, stood Lord Voldemort. _

_He was grinning at him in a frightening manner and laughed maniacally. That was when poor Neville's dream took a queer turn. The young Gryffindor laughed too and hugged Voldemort's disembodied figure. He didn't know how but his arms went around the apparition, pulling the other man in a tight hug._

_Dream Neville was thrilled for some reason. Concious Neville was gagging._

Neville awoke with a start, beads of sweet making wet spots on his shirt. He had the worst dream ever. Poor Luna, he wondered if Dream Luna was okay and was startled to find that he had actually dreamed of her. Liking him. And he had liked her back.

He shrugged off his weird dream, blamed it on Snape and checked the time. It was only five in the evening. No one was in the dorm, they were presumably at the saloon or eating kebabs. He got out of bed and headed to the washroom, intent on freshening up. The Gryffindor splashed sink water on his weary face and smiled as the water worked it's magic on him. He was up and ready to go.

He chose a new pair of clean raiments and went to the great hall for some late tea, already forgetting his peculiar dream.

-

A/N : Hmmm… What's with the mysterious dream? Eh, you'll just have to keep reading to find out! Newayz, I hope you guyz liked this chapter. Read and Review!

Tell you what, readers... If you review, perhaps you can make a confession as well. That way, I'll give you some advice in return. Not without a sickle of course.

Fogetful Neville is kicking in... Sorry if you guyz no likey Luna but I think she's somewhat suitable for Nev, they're both weird. I mean, Ginny? And Neville? Get real! No offence meant, of course. I respect shippers of any kind. Okie then, once again… thank you reviewers! You hold the reins to my heart and my happiness…

Chocolate covered Neville and Trevor to eveyone! Adieu! Muaxxiezz - Aly


	6. Of Carrots and Blue Dye

Summary: Sift through the lives of Hogwarts' slightly deranged students with resident Gryffindor dunderhead, Neville Longbottom.

Disclamer: JK Rowling's story, my torture devices. Faham?

-

Chapter Six…

Seamus Finnagen and Draco Malfoy was the perfect couple. They were the couple of the year. They never fought, they always laughed and they were immensely fond of each other. It didn't matter to Draco that his godfather always turned green when he saw them together and it didn't matter to Seamus either because he thought it was funny.

Hannah Abbot was a Hufflepuff. She liked the colour yellow, she was a loyal person, she was sweet and she loved eating bananas. Hannah Abbot also had a very important mission. Hufflepuffs' merchandise was slowly crashing down to the ground whilst Ravenclaws' new designer robes were selling like hot cakes.

_Ravenclaw will not win this, not without competition of course._

Yes, Hannah Abbot had a very important mission indeed.

-

Severus Snape ajusted his violet robes and smiled at the reflection in the mirror. A little flick of the wand and _Voila! _

He smothered some apple scented cream from S.S. and smothered his hair in the liquid. Satisfied, he smiled in the mirror and flashed his white teeth. The mirror made a gagging noise, Snape barked.

-

Luna Lovegood arranged blue items, piling them on top of a table with blue velvet. With a self-satisfied smile, she flicked her hair in Hannah Abbot's direction.

-

A young lady stood in a darkened classroom and shaped up a weird looking pile of goo into a face.

-

Neville was sitting on the rich red duvet, thinking. It was Saturday, the day before Confession day. He was desperate to get some lunch and curious to know what Hannah Abbot had planned. The rumour mill was spreading rumours about the Hufflepuff planning a big event but no one really knew what except for the Hufflepuffs who kept their secrets to themselves. Only, they were told to buy yellow outfits as that was the only way you could participate in whatever they intended.

Also, he was eager to see Luna. Perhaps buy a blue robe or two. Perhaps a few carrots. He sighed wistfully and burried his face in the bouquet of carved carrots he carved specially for Luna. They were shaped like roses and were dyed blue to fit the Ravenclaw's taste.

Suddenly, the door to his dorm swung open forcefully and Neville jumped to his feet, hid the carrot-roses behind his back and rightened his robes.

"I don't suppose you've seen Harry, have you?" Hermione's annoyingly loud voice resounded in the empty dorm.

"No, is anything the matter?" He asked.

Hermione sighed wistfully just like Neville did and sat on his bed. "Truth be told, there is. I can trust you with this, right?"

Neville nodded.

"Of course, I'm most likely to forget it anyway." He laughed.

Hermione smiled and gave him a small hug. "You see, there's something I have to do. I need to confess, I really really like someone. I don't have any friends, Neville. Ron has Pansy even if he doesn't see it and Harry is always with Mryan. I've liked this person for a long time but I don't think I have the courage to talk to him."

She paused and looked at Neville uncertainly.

"That's okay, Hermione. You have to like someone sometime in your life. It's only natural." Neville tried to comfort her and mused his own words.

"Yes, you're right. I have nothing to be ashamed of but I'd feel more comfortable talking about this confidentially, if you catch my meaning. Eveyone has been talking about this confession booth and it's suppose to take place tomorrow. I checked the suggestion board and I think the little leaflet Harry told me about got ripped off somehow. I was looking for him. I don't suppose you've heard of the confession booth, have you?" She asked, her eyes shining hopefully.

Neville smiled back.

"As a matter of fact, I have."

-

Lavender stood in front of a mirror, trying on a yellow dress. Parvati tried on a yellow skirt and a matching top.

-

Filch was very happy. Diagon Alley was a lovely place to be. It had _everything_ a wizard would need or want. The cute little puppy with big round eyes was too adorable to resist. He payed for the little pet and headed back to the castle with a creepy smile that made the giant squid scream.

Mrs Norris would be so happy to have a true companion at last.

-

Draco Malfoy lay on the bed, groaning.

_Hannah wasn't serious, was she?_

He would have lived longer with the dark lord.

_-_

Someone far away on the shores of the island Pangkor, moped about her injured knuckles.

-

A knock on the rather large wooden door disturbed Dumbledore and kept him away from his book. He cursed inwardly, he had specifically told the gargoyles to keep the entrance to his room barred.

A few exchanged words with a mussed up Harry Potter made him hand the sobbing boy a diamond encrusted ring and a fake blessing for the diva's engagement. At least, he would be able to get back to his book, it was getting interesting.

He sat on his comfortable seat, glared at the offending portraits of the old and senile headmasters on the walls of his office and returned to his book. His aging face lit up in a smile when his wrinkled lips tasted the hot liquid that could only be hot cocoa.

Another knock made him glare at his cocoa, hating it for it did not have to answer the door. He walked to the door and opened it, masking his face in indifference while his old guts twisted inside. The small Hufflepuff entered and he stared at her, blue eyes twinkling.

She truly didn't recognize an angry twinkle when she saw one.

He was hoping so badly that she would choke on one of his lemon drops. Maybe he could charm them. Hufflepuffs were stupid anyway.

Twinkling his eyes dangerously once more, he gave her the much needed directions to the room of requirement, no longer caring if Harry wanted to use the room. The silly girl sitting opposite him would just have to find out the hard way.

With a little curtsey and a snort from the old headmaster, he was finally left to his book. The girl exited, choking on a lemon drop.

-

Blaise Zabini charmed his pocket sized book of wizarding rules and law yellow.

-

Pansy Parkinson snorted. She dressed up in a tight, form fitting, yellow leather dress.

-

Somewhere in Dream Land, someone combed his hair, realized it was candy and ate it instead.

-

Ronald Weasely stared at the pink shirt he was dying to wear. Forsaking the newly bought item, he pulled on a yellow shirt.

-

Moaning Myrtle glared at Mryan and pushed her in a cubicle, trying to flush her down the toilet.

-

Mrs. Norris glared at the stupid puppy who was staring at her, google-eyed. The dog was just so stupid. A total suck up. She hated Alice. She was ugly, fat and had unattractive blue eyes. Nothing like her, the beautiful and refined cat. She wrinkled her nose in distaste.

She purred when Filch tied a pretty yellow polkadot bow to her and meowed pitifully when he tied a matching bow to Alice the ugly dog. She didn't feel so special anymore.

She rejoiced though for she thought her owner never looked better than he did in a stunning yellow suit.

-

Neville walked to the small table selling blue robes. Luna smiled at him, Neville could feel the butterflies threatening to fly.

"Hey, looking good. Nice robes, that new?" She greeted.

"Yes, actually." He stuttered.

"Interested in any of our products? They're of the highest quality, the robes are incredibly soft and it's all personalized. You can pick your number combination in any shape you like and I'm sure you've heard of it's special feature." She smiled brightly.

Neville shook his head, embarassed.

"It glows in the dark, isn't that great?" She grinned.

"Yes, it is."

"If you're not interested, you could always have a look at one of our books. It's thoroughly educational and they're selling like hot cakes. Would you like a copy?"

" No, thank you. I think I'll just purchase one robe."

"Okay, number?"

"Huh? Oh, yes. Erm…. All of them if you please, navy blue."

"Alright, good choice. Here, I'll have it wrapped up. That'll be forty galleons, please." She smiled.

If Neville was shocked by the price, he didn't show it. He cleared his throat.

"Luna, I have something for you. I know this is sudden but I carved it myself and I thought you might like it." Neville smiled nervously.

Her smile grew even wider if possible. She pecked him on the cheek when he handed her the carved carrots in blue dye.

"These are lovely. They're so special. Oh, you're so sweet. No one has ever given me flowers before, Neville. I absolutely love them." She exclaimed excitedly. The young Gryffindor was just happy to see her smiling again.

Neville Longbottom planned on keeping it that way.

-

Sorry folks. I'm really sorry for the mistakes in the last chappie. Luna really is a Ravenclaw, my bad. So sowie. I'll correct it, don't worry. Thanks for telling me. Owh and don't wory about Snape, you'll find out soon enough about his new transformation.

I truly hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. It's actually just little snidbits of what everyone's doing.

Don't we just love Neville? He's so sweet, I'll have you all know that my Imaginary Neville is carving carrots with blue dye specially to all my reviewers!

Extra chocolate covered Nevilles to everyone! Btw, King Kong was great. Peter makes us bow with pride for him.


	7. Red Freckles

Summary: Sift through the lives of Hogwarts' slightly deranged students with resident Gryffindor dunderhead, Neville Longbottom.

Disclamer: I own nothing, everything belongs to JK Rowling. Don't sue me. Like the Malaysians always say, ' I'm terribly pokai. ' So you probably won't get a single cent out of me.

-

Chapter Seven…

Gryffindors enjoyed the sun outside and didn't like staying indoors very much. Not many Gryffindors spent their time in a dorm, staring at the mirror for two hours.

-

_Hair… red heads rock!_, check.

_Freckles… enhances my look_, check.

_Chest… my gorgeous manly build_, check.

_Face… Blatantly good-looking_, check.

_Teeth… Brilliant and white_, check.

_New pink frilly shirt…Lovely_

_-_

Ronald Weaseley simply did not stand in front of a mirror, checking himself out. He did not ask for the mirror's advice and the mirror certainly did not say his shirt looked smashing on him and it didn't whistle appreciatively either. He did not read Seamus's and Malfoy's best seller. He did not like Severus Snape's new hairstyle and he definitely did not like muggle Bally shoes or pink frilly shirts from Galadrags which were very hard to find, mind you.

He did not like Pansy Parkinson. He just didn't.

But he did think Hermione looked less and less like a beaver everyday and that she was the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts. He really did think Harry's new insane relationship was perfect. He did like the manly black top Blaise Zabini liked to wear. He did like Trevor very much. He did grow to love Malfoy's new personality. He did love house elves and he really did adore cows.

He just did. He did as much as Hagrid's hard cookies _did_ it for him.

-

Pansy Parkinson loved Draco Malfoy. He was her angel, her light in plight. Her beacon of undying hope. Her black rose of passion and her knight in shining blonde. The hero who saved the damsel in distress from the evil dragon time and time again. _Dragon?_ Pft… That was exactly what Draco was to her, her little Dragon. Her small brother who needed her to fend for him, the little light haired boy who couldn't eat cereal without staining his brand new dress robes. The whining baby who she had come to love as a brother.

The only reason she agreed to helping Ginny Weaseley with her little fan club was to get half the profit the little redhead earned. Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini simply couldn't be considered hot, sexy or anything of that sort. They were both brutes and conniving gits. She was like their older sister, for Merlin's sake!

She was the one who babysitted them so they wouldn't start a fire which almost burned the house of Slytherin to the ground in first year. She was the woman who set up Blaise with his pure, demure and sweet date. It wouldn't do to let Ginny know what a brute he was. She may have gone a little too far though, her little protégé carried a pocket sized book on wizarding etiquettes practically everywhere now.

Someone she would consider hot and sexy and anything of that sort, honestly, would be Ronald Weaseley. Her angel, her light in plight, her flaming beacon in dark hours, her handsome hero in red, crimson red rose of passion and the man she was smitten with. She couldn't help it and blamed it purely on the pink shirts. They were definite attention seekers. No one looked quite as manly as Ron did when he wore a pink shirt. It was a fashion policy, any man that can pass in pink _is_ a man.

-

Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown giggled. Neville swatted his hand at them, wishing they were flies. It was Sunday morning and they were doing their Sunday morning staring game… thing. It worked like this.

"I see it! Malfoy, as usual is wearing the innest of most innest clothes again… Gosh… It looks like it's tailored for him, that lovely cashmere sweater looks gorgeous," the girl sighed. Neville wished she would sigh in her mushroom soup.

"Lavvie, dear.. Draco Malfoy doesn't count. The game is to spot someone who's wearing something that looks _in_. That particular hottie just doesn't count, everything he wears _is_ in." Parvati explained, sighing as well. Neville smacked the back of her head and blamed it on the fly.

The fly just buzzed haughtilly and flew away.

"Actually, Nev. You look great yourself. You've definitely lost all that baby fat and by merlin, I saw your new coat. It looks fab, darling," Parvati purred, trailing her hand across his chest. Neville stared at her incredulously and turned away, not wanting to listen to their pointless conversations any longer. But try as he might, even though he couldn't see them from that angle, he could still _hear_ them.

"Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh………. That's just so…wow. Snape always had a thing for being in the spotlight but my, he really does deserve it now. Especially with that." She pointed her finger at Snape's new robe, it was a simple navy blue but showed that a few wrinkles at forty didn't mean you couldn't have a body that very much stated late twenties.

Neville was very happy when the two girls kept staring at the professor in awe. They were keeping quiet for the time beeing. Then, he heard a gasp and sighed again.

"Merlin! Ronald Weaseley has never looked cuter than he does in that shirt!" Lavender exclaimed.

"I'd say, Lav. He is so mine." Parvati practised her purr in what she assumed was seductive.

"He's totally out of your league, hon. If he wants anyone, it's me." Lavender replied, flicking her long hair airily.

"Look, why don't you just bug off and leave me to Ronnikins. I thought you liked Malfoy anyway," Parvati challenged.

"My dear Pati, in case you haven't noticed… Malfoy is with Seamus now. Or did you miss out on that piece of gossip? Hmm?" Lavender glared. Missing gossip wasn't an in thing and in Lavender's and Parvati's case, it was a sin.

Parvati just rolled her eyes, "That's right now, isn't it? Seamus in a skirt is more appealing to the eye than you in Witch Weekly's latest dress. Besides, it's not as if Draco would ever be interested in anyone like you. What was it he did last year when you asked him to the Christmas ball? That's right, he went with Hermione Granger. Just to avoid you," she whispered in the tone of voice only people like Parvati and Lavender used.

"Why, you little pleb! You selfish little _horse_! Alright then, two can play at that game." Lavender smirked quite unattractively, lifted her chin and got out of her seat. Tossing her hair back once more, she strode confidently towards Ron, who was busy stuffing his mouth with chicken and was _not_ staring at Pansy while she piled Draco's plate with food, telling her friend he looked emaciated. Parvati was glaring daggers at her former best friend.

"Hi, Ron. How are you? I must say, I love that shirt of yours." She said, tossing her hair yet another time.

"You think?" Said Ron, not turning around.

"Definitely. You look so… _delicious _in it," she fluttered her long eyelashes.

"Is that even possible?" he asked. He wasn't too busy staring at Pansy daintily lifting her fork.

"Yes, it is." She said, getting irritated already.

"Uh huh," he did not drop his chicken. He did not stare and he did not drool.

"Alright then. I suppose I should be off. Bye Ron." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and walked back to her seat, smirking unattractively again.

"The game is on, girlfriend." Parvati diverted her attention back to her food and began torturing her vegetables, poking them with her fork viciously.

Neville was once again happy because they weren't talking. Without them actually knowing, they also gave him an idea to help his little business. The Confession Booth wasn't such a bad idea, after all.

-

Pansy felt eyes on her. It sent tingles down her spine and she put down her fork, wiped her mouth and turned to the direction of the stare that was panetrating her. She was astonished and oddly surprised to feel a slight bubbling in her stomach as she met the gaze of her secret crush, Ronald Weasley. He was staring intensely with a fiery flicker in his eyes. His eyes depicted so much emotion although Pansy couldn't place a finger on the flash of emotion that flitted across his face so quickly that she was not sure she saw it.

She followed his distracted gaze and spotted Lavender, flirting while Ron obliviously ignored her. He picked up his chicken instead and continued giving her a few more shy glances. Pansy didn't quite like Lavender or Parvati. She, herself was quite involved in the world of fashion but even she wouldn't disagree that the two Gryffindors could be a bit much when it came to critisizing people. Their fashion sense wasn't exactly elegant, she rather thought they dressed up like peacocks.

Then again, everyone did.

Last year had caused a riot. Lavender had invited Draco for the Christmas ball. Pansy, who already had a date shrugged carelessly and frowned. Draco had politely declined her offer, telling the Gryffindor that he had a date with Hermione Granger. Lavender was so embarassed that she 'lost to an ugly, granny, fat girl'. Draco rightfully defended his date and thus, won Granger's heart.

They didn't last of course but they remained good friends and were bearable while they worked together, both holding a shining badge each. It was pretty funny to watch Lavender in her peacock dress trying to gain Draco's attention while he was desperately trying to avoid her, pulling Hermione to the dance floor. The two put on quite a good show, Draco revealing his marvelous dancing skills and Hermione with her ballerina-like twirls.

Pansy smiled at the thought and snapped back to life when she realized her vision was suddenly blurry. Snapping to reality, she realized that a pale hand was waving frantically to get her attention. She huffed in irritation when she recognized the familiar smirk Draco was wearing.

"Pansy, you little vixen. You like him, don't you?" Draco inquired with a mischiveous smirk.

"Really, dear. I have absolutely no idea what you're implying." She idly twirled the fork in her fingers and picked at a potato.

Draco rolled his eyes uncharacteristically, "Pansy, dearest. Sister, surely you have learnt by now that you cannot fool me with that look. Merlin knows you're terrible at lying. Come, now. Indulge your little brother with your terrible secrets and I shall do the same for you."

"Good heavens, Draco. Eat your dinner and be quiet. You've hardly touched your food." She scolded, he jerked his head towards her plate which was still full and smirked again.

"Just because Blaise doesn't notice, doesn't mean I don't. I'll have you know that Malfoys happen to be keen observers. Dearest, do you not want to hear my secret? No one knows and you'll be the first." Draco pouted.

She paused and then gave in.

"Alright, you win but you owe me a new bag of mint chocolates from Honeydukes. Yes, I like Ronald Weasley. I've been admiring him for a long time now. Is it really that obvious?" She asked, scrunching up her nose in disdain at the sudden image of Lavender making a fool of her, announcing to the whole school of Pansy's long time crush.

"Yes dear, it really is. To the keen observer at least. I don't know what you see in him. He is barbaric and eats like a hog. He's freakishly tall and wears pink shirts. He still despises me if I recall," Draco sniffed and pointed to his bruised cheek.

"That was your fault, dear. You insulted him, remember? Seriously, Draco. It was good of Millie to refuse to heal you. You wouldn't stop being a brat if she didn't." Pansy cooed in a motherly voice. The blonde sniffed and glared at his goblet, willing it to be acid so that he could _accidentally_ spill it over Ron's brand new shirt.

It wasn't a nice shirt anyway.

"Don't you dare comment on his shirt, Draco. I see it in your eyes, you horrid child. It happens to look lovely on him. Now, tell me of your secret like you promised," she had a faraway smile on her face as she imagined picking out pink shirts for her beloved.

The blonde stared at his friend blankly, clamping his mouth shut tightly.

"Draco…" Her voice held a scary warning tone that Draco didn't like very much. He gulped, she glared.

"Alright, fine." He cleared his throat and leaned in to whisper in her ear. Pansy perked up her ears in anticipation, happy inside that her friend trusted her so much to reveal such a secret. Her mood was cut off however, with what he said next.

"Pansy, I was never interested in Seamus _that way_ and I never will be."

-

A/N: Hello, folks! School is starting tomorrow so I might not be able to update often but I'll be free during the Chinese New Year holz. To my reviewers, thanks very much! Kisses and huggiez!

Samdum, you got your wish! The Draco/ Seam thing was just a lil plot. Sometimes friends should just stay friends and that definitely applies to Draco and Seamus's relationship. Well, that's my point of view newayz and to Rory, I know this story is strange but then, so is the author. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read it.

I hope you enjoyed that chappie. White chocolate covered Pansy and Ron to everyone! - Aly


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